Girl from the North Country
by catchtherye
Summary: Peeta tries to hold on to his memories of Katniss Everdeen. He won't let them take everything.


"Girl from the North Country"

They have tried to take her from me. Every day I am told things that can't possibly be true, but they make it seem so _real._ I am in a constant battle with my own mind. I try desperately to hold on to the few memories I have left. The few memories the Capitol cannot take from me. I hate her. But I know some part of me loves Katniss Everdeen. I need to keep holding on to those small moments. Katniss and I have shared so much, but there are secrets that my own mind seems to be protecting.

I cannot forget her.

I'm not talking about the girl everyone on the outside sees. It's the girl who I can picture so clearly, standing in front of me. I blink a few times and realize that Katniss is not here with me, not physically anyway.

My memories are all I have.

I may never see Katniss again and that thought makes me want to die. I'm pretty much dead already, but losing that last flickering light of hope would send me over the edge. I pray I never forget her face or the way her hair looks after she spent the afternoon hunting. Before all of this mess started I use to watch her. I loved when it would get cold and her cheeks would turn red from the chilly air. If only she would have let me warm her up.

That dull pain in my head is starting to intensify. It happens whenever I remember something good about her. They need me to hate her. I am her biggest weakness. Katniss would never admit that to anyone, but the Capitol knows. That is why I am here after all. They need to destroy her.

I fight the pain and press my eyes shut. Dozens of images flash before me. Some I remember and others that seem out of place. There is nothing more frustrating than not having control of your own mind.

If I ever make it out of here and find Katniss again, I am going to draw her. A memory is all I have right now. I'd die to see an actual picture. She's fucking beautiful and does not even realize it. I hope she lets me draw her. I need to have proof that she actually exists.

I want to hold her again. I want to kiss every inch of her body until she is screaming for me to finally touch her. Fuck, I want touch her so bad. I may never get that chance but I imagine it would be wonderful.

The pain in my head is so bad that I can barely open my eyes. The little bit of light that is shining practically blinds me. I fucking hate them for this. "Just kill me you sick mother fuckers!" I manage to cry out. My voice is hoarse and raw. I can't recall the last time I have spoken. If I put up enough of a fight they will come in here and try to sedate me. Maybe they will use their fists this time. I need some pain to remind me of what I am holding on for.

I see her again; standing right in front of me, smiling. Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. I'm not sure if it is from the pain in my head or seeing Katniss smile. "Please, please be real."

They must be giving me something. When I first got here they stuck me with needles and attached some type of fluid to it. I know the hallucinations are starting again. They can't let me remember good things. I blink away the tears and when I look up Katniss is gone. "No – please bring her back!" I don't know who I am shouting too. Maybe President Snow will have enough pity on me and finally just kill me.

Everything is starting to spin and I can feel my eyes closing. I'm tired. I am just really fucking tired.

_Hearing her laugh is my favorite sound. It has been so long since she let herself enjoy a day. It had been snowing for the last couple of hours and fresh blanket of snow coated the usually green grass. Katniss pulled her coat around her small frame. It was really cold out. "I miss you."_

_I'm not sure what made me say it. She looked stunning in only a way that Katniss could be. "Peeta, how can you miss me?" She frowns at me. "I haven't gone anywhere."_

_I can't help but smile at her. "You know what I mean."_

_Her face flushes a deep crimson. It doesn't matter how many times we make love, talking about it still makes her blush. I place both of my hand on her blushed cheeks. Her bottom lip is quivering. I place a soft kiss on her forehead. "I love you." For as long as I breathe I will never grow tired of hearing her say that._

"_Ditto." Katniss rolls her eyes and turns her back to me. I reach out and grab her arm, pulling her back to face me. "Hey, you know I love you." _

_Katniss usually wears her hair in a braid, but today her hair is hanging down. Her curls cover her breasts and I close my eyes picturing her naked body. I really like when she lets me pull gently on her hair when I am fucking her from behind. _

_I press my body into her. Making sure she can feel my growing erection. Katniss lets out a low moan and I see her eyes shut tightly. I place soft kisses on her neck, slowly making me way up her mouth. When I finally kiss her lips she wraps her arms tightly around my waist, grinding into my bulge. I've kissed Katniss thousands of times and I still never grow tired of her taste. She pulls away from me. Her perfect fucking lips red and swollen from kissing. "Can we go home now?"_

_I groan and grab her hand, dragging Katniss back to our home. _

I'm awoken from my dream by freezing cold water. It burns when it touches my already raw skin. It felt so real. I can still taste her lips. I'm fighting to hold back my sobs. There is no way I can show them weakness.

There is no way I can know for sure if I will ever get out of here. I will most likely die soon. Dreams can only keep me going for so long. Maybe the hunger or exhaustion has finally defeated me, but I can't help but start to cry. I wanted to be brave and tough but I'm tired now.

I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here sobbing. But a sudden banging noise distracts me from my pain. I feel myself getting sleepy again. Maybe they gave me something? Maybe it is my time to finally die? Before my eyes close and the blackness comes; I make out a face. _Gale. _

"It's time to go home, Peeta."

The End


End file.
